Oh No We Suck Again Know Your Mene
The Dude: [repeated line past The Dude and others] That carpeting really tied the room together.
Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I hateful, say what you lot desire nigh the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least information technology'due south an ethos.
The Dude: Permit me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you phone call me. Yous know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity affair.
The Stranger: Have it easy, Dude.
The Dude: Oh, yes!
The Stranger: I know that you will.
The Dude: Yeah, well - the Dude abides.
[Exits with beers in mitt]
The Stranger: [to the camera] The Dude abides. I don't know about you just I take comfort in that. It'southward skilful knowin' he's out in that location. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
The Dude: Walter, I love you lot, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face up the fact you're a goddamn moron.
Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to exist fucked, man? I see you lot rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, human. Liam and me, nosotros're gonna fuck you upwards.
The Dude: Aye, well, yous know, that's merely similar, uh, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull whatever of your crazy shit with usa, you flash a slice out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick information technology up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til information technology goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said information technology, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
[walks off]
Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
The Dude: Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a immature trophy married woman, marries this guy for his coin, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you lot know, she owes money all over town.
Walter Sobchak: That, fuckin' - bitch...
The Dude: Information technology'due south all a god damn fake, human being. Information technology's similar Lenin said: y'all await for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch!
The Dude: Oh yep!
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! 5.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Donny: What the fuck is he talking well-nigh?
[being forced into a limousine]
The Dude: Hey, careful, man, at that place's a beverage here!
The Dude: God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has annihilation got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking well-nigh?
Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar]
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you lot fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you discover a stranger in the Alps!
[censored version]
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects similar women, man.
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your erect for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful adult female. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't spotter, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm merely gonna become notice a cash machine.
[first lines]
The Stranger: [voiceover] Style out west there was this fella... fella I wanna tell ya well-nigh. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Mr. Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". At present, "Dude" - that'due south a proper name no 1 would cocky-utilize where I come from. Only then there was a lot virtually the Dude that didn't brand a whole lot of sense. And a lot nigh where he lived, as well. Just then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "Urban center Of Angels." I didn't find it to be that, exactly. Simply I'll let at that place are some squeamish folks there. 'Class I can't say I've seen London, and I ain't never been to France. And I own't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - afterward seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'g about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' every bit you'd see in any of them other places. And in English, too. Then I tin can die with a smiling on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. At present this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just most the time of our conflict with Deplorable'm and the I-raqis. I just mention information technology considering sometimes in that location'south a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a human being. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here. Sometimes, in that location'south a man, well, he's the man for his time and identify. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And fifty-fifty if he'south a lazy man - and the Dude was almost certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles Canton, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. But sometimes at that place's a man, sometimes, in that location's a human being. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough.
Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I meet what yous're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My indicate is, here nosotros are, it'due south shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to suspension simply if it's a matter of life or death...
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? Y'all're not even fucking Jewish, human being.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' well-nigh?
The Dude: Human, you lot're fucking Polish Cosmic...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you lot talking almost? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come up on, Dude!
The Dude: Yep, yes, yep, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And y'all know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago y'all were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: So what are y'all maxim? When you get divorced you plow in your library card? Y'all get a new license? You lot stop being Jewish?
The Dude: It'south all a role of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking canis familiaris. Going to her fucking synagogue. You lot're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of cute tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[shouting]
Walter Sobchak: Y'all'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'Yard LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!
The Stranger: Sometimes yous eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, it'south Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a lilliputian, big bargain. Information technology'due south only a game, homo.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next circular robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yes, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'k marking it viii.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a earth of pain.
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Yous mark that frame an viii, and y'all're inbound a world of pain.
Smokey: I'm not...
Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, he's your partner...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole earth gone crazy? Am I the only 1 effectually here who gives a shit about the rules? Marking it zero!
The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the slice away.
Walter Sobchak: Mark information technology zero!
[points gun in Smokey's confront]
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Yous think I'm fucking around here? Marker it naught!
Smokey: All right, it'southward fucking zero. Are you happy, yous crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...It'due south a league game, Smokey.
Maude Lebowski: What do you lot do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive effectually. The occasional acid flashback.
The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, nosotros all know who is at mistake here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are yous... I'm not... We're talking near unchecked assailment here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget information technology, Donny, y'all're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, and then what the fuck are you talking well-nigh?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking virtually? The chinaman is non the consequence here, Dude. I'chiliad talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Beyond this line, you Do NOT... As well, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
The Dude: Walter, he peed on my carpet!
Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!
Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the machine?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a record deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what practice you do, sir?
The Dude: I'm unemployed.
The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league function... who's in accuse of scheduling?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: They already posted information technology.
Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor adult female, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: C'mon Dude, eventually she'll become sick of her piffling game and, y'all know, wander on back.
Donny: How come up you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny: What'south that?
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what exercise I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Sat, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish mean solar day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a auto, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking curl*!
Donny: Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fuck information technology. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Babe...
[Donny nods]
[while dunking the Dude's caput in the toilet]
Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the coin, Lebowski? Where'due south the fucking money, shithead?
The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's downwardly at that place somewhere, permit me take some other expect.
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Were yous listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: What?
Walter Sobchak: Were you lot listening to The Dude'south story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're similar a kid who wanders into the middle of a motion picture and wants to know...
The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, homo?
Walter Sobchak: There'southward no reason - here'due south my point, dude, in that location's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny: Yes, Walter, what'south your point?
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. Y'all got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, human.
Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name'southward Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do yous see a wedding band on my finger? Does this place expect like I'yard fucking married? The toilet seat's up, human being!
The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-you lot. And, uh, a lotta strands to go along in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female class make yous uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended equally beingness strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an center a man volition refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia'due south dog. I think it'southward a Pomeranian. I can't exit him home solitary or he eats the furniture. I'chiliad watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you lot mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't hire it shoes. I'm non buying it a fucking beer. He'southward not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Human, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to get fuck herself.
Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get yous a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You lot don't wanna know nigh it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, merely Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face downward in the muck so that you and I could bask this family unit restaurant!
The Dude: Wait, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'k not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she'southward my fucking lady friend. I'chiliad only helping her conceive, man!
Walter Sobchak: Also, let's not forget - allow'southward *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
The Dude: Jesus, homo, could you alter the channel?
Cab Commuter: Fuck y'all homo. If yous don't similar my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and boot your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, human being. I had a rough dark and I detest the fuckin' Eagles, man!
The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... expect, man, I've got certain information, all correct? Sure things have come to light. And, you know, has it e'er occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you lot know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more than, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it'southward not but, information technology might not exist but such a unproblematic... uh, you lot know?
The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you babbling virtually?
The Dude: I'll tell you what I'thousand blathering well-nigh... I've got information human! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, human. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that'due south cool, I'one thousand, I'g saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get information technology, because... she wants more, human! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to yous, man? Sir?
[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in forepart of the Dude'due south car, which has been torched]
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking motorcar.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze coin, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you lot have forgotten our picayune deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't Take the fucking daughter, dipshits! We know you lot never did!
[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amid themselves in German]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, at that place's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze coin, Lebowski, or ve fuck yous ups.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave upwardly her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though nosotros'd be getting one thousand thousand dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Off-white! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE You, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Await, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, human being!
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves over again]
Donny: Are they gonna injure us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist: Okay. So we have ze money you haf on you lot, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck y'all!
Walter Sobchak: Donny was a expert bowler, and a proficient human. He was one of usa. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... upwards to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, every bit you took then many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And and then would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accord with what we remember your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your last mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Proficient night, sweetness prince.
The Large Lebowski: I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some chinaman took them from me in Korea.
Jackie Treehorn: Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. 1 hundred percent electronic!
The Dude: Yep well, I nonetheless jerk off manually.
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just inquire him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your automobile out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where'due south the fucking money, you picayune brat?
Walter Sobchak: Expect, Larry. Take you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Yous're entering a earth of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you lot stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cutting your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!
Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' intendance! Information technology don't matter to Jesus. But y'all're not foolin' me, homo. You might fool the fucks in the league function, just y'all don't fool Jesus. This bush-league league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a appointment Wednesday, infant!
Walter Sobchak: When we make the handoff, I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?
The Dude: That'due south a peachy plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I sympathize it correctly. Information technology's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
The Dude: Who the fuck are the Knutsens?
The Dude: [on the telephone] Of class the car made information technology home, you're calling me at abode. No, Walter, it did Not look like Larry was about to crevice!
Donny: They posted the side by side round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, close the f- when practise we play?
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, human being.
Malibu Constabulary Primary: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little embankment community here, and I aim to keep it nice and placidity. And then let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking effectually, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your wiggle-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: [afterward a break] I'm lamentable, I wasn't listening.
Walter Sobchak: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about information technology.
The Dude: Thanks Walter, that makes me experience very secure, it makes me experience very warm inside.
Maude Lebowski: It'due south a male person myth near feminists that we hate sex. Information technology can exist a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - it is chosen satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Aye, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the give-and-take. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these.
The Dude: Mind, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what information technology has to exercise with - do y'all have any Kahlúa?
The Dude: These are, uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
The Dude: Different mothers, huh?
Brandt: No.
The Dude: Racially he's pretty absurd?
Brandt: [laughs] They're non literally his children. They're the Petty Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of hope merely without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher instruction. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you lot were fuckin' glad, human being. You could use it equally an alibi to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pivot it on! You lot'd simply met me! You man... paraquat! You figured 'Oh, hither's a loser', yous know? A deadbeat, someone the square customs won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well, yeah!
Walter Sobchak: Wait at our current state of affairs with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.
[the Nihilists invade the Dude's bathroom accompanied by a trained ferret]
The Dude: Hey, nice marmot!
Walter Sobchak: Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're non gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, wait at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
The Dude: Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
The Dude: Our car, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...
[They walk out of the bowling aisle and meet the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing]
Walter Sobchak: Say, dude. Where is your car?
Donny: Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Where's your machine, dude?
The Dude: Yous don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: [clears throat] Information technology was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude: You lot fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak: Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude: Oh fuck it.
[the Dude starts walking away]
Donny: Where yous going, Dude?
The Dude: I'k going habitation, Donny.
Donny: Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude: Cheers, Donny.
Nihilist: Nosotros believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and nosotros cut off your chonson.
The Dude: Excuse me?
Nihilist: I said
[shouting]
Nihilist: I zaid VE CUT OFF YA JOHNSON!
Nihilist #2: Just recall about that, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Aye, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist #iii: Yeah and perchance we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
The Dude: Aye, Walter, y'all're right. There is an unspoken message here. It'southward "FUCK YOU, Leave ME THE FUCK Lone!" Yeah, I'll be at do.
The Dude: H-hey, this is a private residence, human!
The Dude: I hate the fuckin' Eagles homo.
[when making the payoff]
The Dude: Dude.
Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?
The Dude: Dude. The purse man, human. Where do you desire u.s.a. to become?
Nihilist: Us?
The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!
[to Nihilist]
The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the commuter. I'm non handling the money, driving the machine and talking on the phone all at the aforementioned fourth dimension.
Nihilist: Close the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?
The Dude: That is the driver.
[Nihilist hangs up]
The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, human being!
Walter Sobchak: Null is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call dorsum.
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yep, but he'due south a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sexual activity offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an viii year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell anybody he was a pederast.
Donny: What'south a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to exercise what your parents did; go a job, sir. The bums will e'er lose. Exercise y'all hear me, Lebowski?
[the Dude walks out and shuts the door]
The Big Lebowski: The bums will always lose!
Brandt: How was your coming together, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The onetime human told me to take whatsoever carpeting in the house.
The Dude: Ah, fuck information technology.
The Large Lebowski: Fuck it! Yes! That'south your answer. That's your answer for everything! Tattoo it on your forehead!
Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and first at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.
Donny: What'south wrong with Walter, Dude?
[at the funeral parlor]
Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, simply considering we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking affair... I did not spotter my buddies die face down in the muck and then that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't come across whatsoever connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connectedness, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, at that place isn't any connection.
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here Dude. Nada is fucked. They're a bunch of fucking amateurs!
The Dude: Walter, would you only shut the fuck... don't say a peep while I'g doing business here, man!
Walter Sobchak: Okay Dude. Have it your fashion.
[the Dude answers the phone]
Walter Sobchak: Just they're amateurs.
The Dude: Would yous come up off information technology Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, human being.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking virtually Dude?
The Dude: You're fucking Polish-Catholic!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking almost? I converted when I married Cynthia, Dude.
The Dude: Yep, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: ...And five fucking years agone you were divorced human being!
Walter Sobchak: When you become a divorce you get a new license? You turn in your library card? You lot *stop* beingness Jewish?
The Dude: Where'due south the fucking coin Lebowski?
The Dude: I hateful we totally fucked it upward man, we fucked upwards this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at united states, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't exercise anything, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'thou proverb, if he knows I'm a fuck-upwardly, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a testify! Ok, and so then why doesn't he give a shit almost his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The meg bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!
The Dude: My simply hope is that the big Lebowski kills me earlier the Germans tin cut my dick off.
The Dude: I could be merely sitting at home with pee stains on my rug.
Brandt: Yous never went to college...
The Dude: Oh, no I did, but I spent about of my time occupying diverse administration buildings... smoking a lot of thai stick... breaking into the ROTC... and bowling. To tell you the truth Brandt, I don't call up most of it.
The Dude: Hey, no, come up on, Walter. Nosotros're ending this thing cheap, homo.
Walter Sobchak: No, what's mine is mine.
Nihilist: No funny shtuff.
The Dude: Alright, alright, I've got iv dollars, about v...
Donny: Hey, I got xviii dollars.
Walter Sobchak: What'southward mine is mine.
Nihilist: We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.
Walter Sobchak: Come and get it.
The Big Lebowski: And then she's back. No cheers to you.
The Dude: Where's the fucking money, Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: A million bucks from fucking needy Lilliputian Urban Achievers! You are scum, human!
The Large Lebowski: Who the hell is he?
Walter Sobchak: Who am I? Who am I? I'm the guy who'south gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass, that's who I am!
The Dude: Human, we know the briefcase was fucking empty. We know y'all kept the million bucks for yourself.
The Big Lebowski: You have your story, I accept mine. I say that I entrusted the coin to yous and you stole information technology.
Walter Sobchak: As if nosotros would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!
The Dude: Y'all thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fucking glad, man. You could use information technology equally an excuse to make some money disappear. All y'all needed was a sap to pin it on. Yous'd but met me, you... you man paraquat! You lot idea, oh, here's a loser, y'all know, a deadbeat, someone the foursquare community won't give a shit most...
The Big Lebowski: Well? Aren't yous?
The Dude: [beat] Well, yeah, but...
Walter Sobchak: Whereas what nosotros have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy antagonist.
Walter Sobchak: Your cycle! At fifteen m-p-h I curl out! I double back, catch one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi!
The Dude: Uzi?
Walter Sobchak: You didn't call back I was rolling out of here naked!
Tony the Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates, my girl'south married to a jadrool loser bastard, and I got a rash and then bad on my ass, I can't even sit down downwardly. Merely you know me. I can't complain."
The Dude: Ahh fuckin'-A, man. I got a rash, human. Fuckin'-A.
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Zero changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I incorrect?
The Dude: This is the fuckin' guy! I can notice this fuckin' Lebowski guy!
Donny: His name's Lebowski? That's your proper name, Dude!
The Dude: Oh, fuck me, homo! That kid already spent all the money, man!
Walter Sobchak: New 'Vette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's however got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.
The Big Lebowski: I just desire to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?
Brandt: Her life is in your easily.
The Dude: Man, don't say that, man.
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski asked me to echo that: her life is in your hands.
The Dude: Oh, shit, human.
Brandt: Her life is in your easily, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: [asked to be repose at the java house] Excuse me, dear? The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!
The Dude: This isn't a First Amendment upshot, man.
The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the motorcar?
The Dude: No. It was hither.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, dissever incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to meet you lot. I'chiliad the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I guess nosotros can close the file on that one.
Walter Sobchak: Now and then far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What most the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget almost the fucking toe!
Java Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please go on your voices down? This is a family eating house.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
The Big Lebowski: They did not receive the coin, yous nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.
The Dude: I'm pitiful your stepmother is a nympho.
Walter Sobchak: Etz chaim he dude, as the ex used to say.
The Dude: What the fuck is that supposed to hateful? What the fuck are we gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Huh?
[blows out a deject of fume]
Walter Sobchak: Oh, him! Er...
[mutters incoherently]
Walter Sobchak: What exactly is the trouble?
The Dude: Well, the trouble is... Westward-what do yous mean "what'due south the"... umph... Th-there was no... We d- we didn't eh... uhumph... They're gonna kill that poor woman! Homo!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are yous talking about? That poor woman... that poor SLUT kidnapped herself. Come on dude, y'all said so yourself.
The Dude: Man...! I said I Idea she kidnapped herself... You lot'RE the i who's then fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That's correct dude. One hundred percent certain.
Da Fino: Permit me tell ya something - I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody - simply fabulous stuff.
Auto Circus Cop: [the Dude asks the Auto Circus Cop if there are whatever leads on who stole his beater machine] Leads, yeah, sure. I'll simply cheque with the boys down at the crime lab, they've got iv more detectives working on the case. They got u.s. working in shifts!
[laughs]
Auto Circus Cop: Leads!
[laughs as he walks away]
Automobile Circus Cop: Leads...
Knox Harrington: So yous're Lebowski. Maudie'southward told me all nigh you. She'll be back in a moment, sit down down. Would you like a beverage?
The Dude: [every bit he sits downwardly] Uh, yeah. White Russian?
Knox Harrington: The bar'due south over there.
Walter Sobchak: Call the medics, Dude. I'd get myself but I'm pumping blood. Might laissez passer out. Remainder piece of cake, proficient buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in.
Walter Sobchak: Yous have got to buck upward, homo. Y'all cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!
The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter!
[break]
Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see y'all don't want to be cheered upwards here, Dude. Come up on Donny, allow'south become get united states a lane.
[after reporting the stolen car]
The Dude: Practice you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop: Or the Creedence.
[being shown a picture Bunny's onetime farm home]
The Dude: Oh male child. How ya gonna go on 'em downward on the farm in one case they've seen Karl Hungus.
[subsequently the chief of constabulary throws a coffee mug at his head]
The Dude: Ow! Fucking fascist!
Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of form.
The Dude: Then yous know he'south got emotional bug, homo.
Walter Sobchak: You hateful... beyond pacifism?
Brandt: [the Dude is leaving after his first meeting with Lebowski] Well, savour. And perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah, certain, if I'm... in the neighborhood and I, uh... gotta use the john.
[last lines]
The Stranger: Say, friend - you lot got whatever more of that good sarsaparilla?
[Five minutes after pulling a gun on Smokey]
Walter Sobchak: It's all water under the span.
Walter Sobchak: [writer Arthur Sellars is lying quietly in his iron lung] And a proficient day to you, sir!
The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. A lot of ins, a lot of outs. Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict drug regimen to keep my mind limber.
Walter Sobchak: [TV Version] Do you see what happens when y'all find a stranger in the Alps?
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you lot to act as courier, in one case we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your carpeting, and y'all are in a unique position to ostend or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
Brandt: Well Dude, nosotros just don't know.
The Stranger: It was a pretty practiced story. Don't you think? It made me laugh to beat the ring. Parts, anyhow. I didn't like seein' Donny become. But, then I happen to know that there's a piddling Lebowski on the way. I guess that'south the way the whole durned homo comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself down through the generations. Westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we - ah, look at me. I'thousand ramblin' again.
Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't gyre on shabbos!
[after recovering his machine from the Auto circus]
The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Motorcar Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the motorcar. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. In that location was no bottom.
Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn practise that as well?
The Dude: Ah, no that was the primary of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.
Maude Lebowski: My male parent and I don't become along, he doesn't corroborate of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't corroborate of his. Still, I inappreciably wish to make my male parent's embezzlement a police matter, so I'1000 proposing that you try to recover the coin from the people you delivered information technology to.
The Dude: Well, I could do that...
Maude Lebowski: If y'all successfully practice so, I will compensate you to the melody of 10 percent of the recovered sum.
The Dude: [stunned] A hundred...
Maude Lebowski: M, yes bones or clams or whatsoever you telephone call them.
[singing while semi-conscious in the back of a police car]
The Dude: He was innocent, not a accuse was true, and they say he ran away... Branded!
[repeated line]
The Dude: They're gonna kill that poor adult female.
The Dude: Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers?
Brandt: Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Who am I? I'thou a fucking Veteran, that's who I am!
The Dude: Oh no, really, information technology's, ahh, not even... not even bruised anymore.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, the beauty of this is its simplicity. If it gets complex, everything can get incorrect.
Walter Sobchak: [On the phone] I'm not even supposed to option up the phone unless its an emergency.
The Dude: This is a fuckin' emergency!
Walter Sobchak: I sympathize. That'due south why I picked up the phone.
The Dude: Walter, y'all fuck! We gotta go to Pasadena, human! Come selection me up or I'yard off the fuckin' bowling team!
The Stranger: How have things been going?
The Dude: Well, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
The Dude: What the fuck are you talking nearly?
Private Investigator: Information technology'due south a photo of the Family unit Subcontract, it'due south supposed to make her homesick.
Nihilist #3: I fuck you in the donkey, I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck...
The Dude: By the manner, do you think that you could give me that $20,000 in greenbacks? My business is, and I take to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a college, uh, tax...
The Big Lebowski: Brandt, give him the envelope.
The Dude: Oh, y'all've already got the cheque made out, that'southward peachy.
The Dude: Your money is being held past a child named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'k sure your goons can go information technology off him. I mean, he's fifteen.
[intermission]
The Dude: Flunking social studies.
Malibu Police Primary: Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach customs.
Donny: I'grand throwing rocks this evening. Marker it, Dude.
[Throwing the Large Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
Walter Sobchak: Achtung baby!
The Dude: I was one of the original authors of the Port Huron Declaration. Not the compromised second draft...
The Dude: I but said I Thought she kidnapped herself. You lot're the 1 who's so fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That'southward right, Dude. 100% certain.
Da Fino: Well maybe you and me could pool our resources, y'all know, merchandise data? Professional person courtesy? Compeers, you know?
The Dude: Aye, yep, I go information technology, fuck off Da Fino. And stay away from my special - from my fucking lady friend, man!
[the Dude has been drugged and is semi-conscious]
The Dude: So if you could only write me my bank check for ten percent of a half a million... five grand... I'll become out and mingle.
The Stranger: [Last line] Say, friend, you got whatsoever more of that good Sarsaparilla?
The Dude: [smoking a joint] Far out, human. Far fucking out!
Singer: I just dropped in to meet what condition my Condition was in.
The Dude: He simply wanted the car. All the Dude always wanted was his rug back. That really tied the room together.
Maude Lebowski: Allow me tell yous something. The whole thing stinks to high heaven.
Brandt: Nosotros've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118715/quotes/qt0464772
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